Masquerade

People, they try to lie in my face. Tell me things i know is bull, leaving out information they think i dont know.

Do they really think I'm simple-minded? Stupidly playing charade with me. Little did they know that whatever things they know, i'm always a step ahead of them. 

Well then, I keep it in and feign ignorance. Who are they kidding? They are the ignorant ones here.

They want to play this game, I will gladly play along! & at the end of the day, i know i'll claim victory.

At the wake of devastation

She sat there staring blankly in the direction of her laptop. As much as she wanted to fight for herself, she couldn't. She thought of all the things she wanted to say but she hadn't the slightest strength to even lift a finger and glide her hands through the keyboard. It's as though his words had numb her every muscle.

That night, she knew all her hopes were lost. All the things she had dream of and imagine to happen were crush by a simple, short sentence, no one knew could hurt like a million knives jabbing through the heart. It was that heart-breaking.

She started to wonder if he had the slightest clue of how much his words were hurting her. For someone who was deep and thinks so much like a woman, he should know that whatever he was saying could not be handled by a delicate heart. He of all the people, knew that her heart was not one to be mess with. What was he thinking? She kept questioning

She had all the evidence that he liked her. Question on her mind was why didn't he take any actions? Any initiative at all will make her day. Instead, he pussyfooted and did nothing. She found herself always being the one initiating talks, starting conversations. As much as she like conversing with him, she actually hated it. She hated the fact that she had the burning desire to always speak with him. 

But what she hated more was having to constantly making the first move. 

Where is everyone?

Right now, i feel so alone. I just feel like there's no one i can pour out my heartaches to. I look in all directions but there just isn't somebody who is truly there for me anymore. It's so painful, holding all of this in.

As i'm writing this, i'm crying so hard because it is that bad.

Everyone is out there having fun while i'm stuck here having to deal with all this insecurities and problems myself. For a second that time, i thought i was special but i guess everyone was using me to get to the top, in pursuit of their happiness. I'm definitely not in it.

It's extremely difficult to put all these emotions into words, So much thoughts but i could only express so little.

Can i just ask for one thing and one thing only? Give me someone who actually gives a shit about me. That's all i'm asking. i really am that desperate.

Little less you as the days goes

I feel this heavy weight deep within my chest. I think it's the tears, they are being conceived in my heart. Emotionally, i can feel my heart jabbing into my rib cage.

Seriously, what do you do when the person you thought will be by your side through the ups and downs is slowly being taken away from you?

Right now, with you fading, i feel kind of muddled. We progress with the days but we deteriorate with each other. Have you changed over the months or is it just that your priorities are different?

Now when you asked me to confide in you, it just doesn't seems so easy like it used to be, it will never be like the times when i could let myself fill you. I've to contemplate every word i say when i'm with you, & exactly that's the sad thing. It has become so hard to be myself around you recently after what I've seen you become. I see this whole new other person when i gaze at you, this person you swore you'd never be. Where have your words gone to?

You were also very persistent with me, but it just isn't like that anymore. You were always the one to ask me to join you in your activities. Look at you now, your enthusiasm of an invitation only lasts a second. I no longer see any attempts of persuasion. You know what this looks to me, a mere sake of invitation so you dont have to deal with any confrontations later on.

Nevertheless, i see a glimpse of hope. So my dearest, come back. I dont want you to leave. A second chance i will give, just come back. Come back with the soul i once knew. It's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be real hard, but i'm ready to work things out with you.

Reality that lies beneath

I say i dont give a damn but truth is, i care a whole damn lot of shit.