Don't kiss and tell

I've come to realise that kissing and telling just isn't the right way to go.

Good beautiful moments shared between 2 people/a group of people should be kept within themselves and not be exhibited. The exhibition that i mean here is to the public audience, and especially when your audience are people who you know will judge and misinterpret your every move  and are full of jealousy. Easier said, the ugly society. 

Wouldn't it be a lot more meaningful, just keeping it in and just appreciate every memory you have? It offers that sense of connection you have with that person. I just find that it's so undesirable, having the world knowing your string of precious moments. 

Recounting with close circle of friends whom you fully trust is absolutely fine because you know they'll always want you to be happy and want the very best for you. Even so, i'm sure there are certain things that are better left untold.

Well at least, these are my thoughts in this area.

Masquerade

People, they try to lie in my face. Tell me things i know is bull, leaving out information they think i dont know.

Do they really think I'm simple-minded? Stupidly playing charade with me. Little did they know that whatever things they know, i'm always a step ahead of them. 

Well then, I keep it in and feign ignorance. Who are they kidding? They are the ignorant ones here.

They want to play this game, I will gladly play along! & at the end of the day, i know i'll claim victory.

At the wake of devastation

She sat there staring blankly in the direction of her laptop. As much as she wanted to fight for herself, she couldn't. She thought of all the things she wanted to say but she hadn't the slightest strength to even lift a finger and glide her hands through the keyboard. It's as though his words had numb her every muscle.

That night, she knew all her hopes were lost. All the things she had dream of and imagine to happen were crush by a simple, short sentence, no one knew could hurt like a million knives jabbing through the heart. It was that heart-breaking.

She started to wonder if he had the slightest clue of how much his words were hurting her. For someone who was deep and thinks so much like a woman, he should know that whatever he was saying could not be handled by a delicate heart. He of all the people, knew that her heart was not one to be mess with. What was he thinking? She kept questioning

She had all the evidence that he liked her. Question on her mind was why didn't he take any actions? Any initiative at all will make her day. Instead, he pussyfooted and did nothing. She found herself always being the one initiating talks, starting conversations. As much as she like conversing with him, she actually hated it. She hated the fact that she had the burning desire to always speak with him. 

But what she hated more was having to constantly making the first move. 

Where is everyone?

Right now, i feel so alone. I just feel like there's no one i can pour out my heartaches to. I look in all directions but there just isn't somebody who is truly there for me anymore. It's so painful, holding all of this in.

As i'm writing this, i'm crying so hard because it is that bad.

Everyone is out there having fun while i'm stuck here having to deal with all this insecurities and problems myself. For a second that time, i thought i was special but i guess everyone was using me to get to the top, in pursuit of their happiness. I'm definitely not in it.

It's extremely difficult to put all these emotions into words, So much thoughts but i could only express so little.

Can i just ask for one thing and one thing only? Give me someone who actually gives a shit about me. That's all i'm asking. i really am that desperate.

Little less you as the days goes

I feel this heavy weight deep within my chest. I think it's the tears, they are being conceived in my heart. Emotionally, i can feel my heart jabbing into my rib cage.

Seriously, what do you do when the person you thought will be by your side through the ups and downs is slowly being taken away from you?

Right now, with you fading, i feel kind of muddled. We progress with the days but we deteriorate with each other. Have you changed over the months or is it just that your priorities are different?

Now when you asked me to confide in you, it just doesn't seems so easy like it used to be, it will never be like the times when i could let myself fill you. I've to contemplate every word i say when i'm with you, & exactly that's the sad thing. It has become so hard to be myself around you recently after what I've seen you become. I see this whole new other person when i gaze at you, this person you swore you'd never be. Where have your words gone to?

You were also very persistent with me, but it just isn't like that anymore. You were always the one to ask me to join you in your activities. Look at you now, your enthusiasm of an invitation only lasts a second. I no longer see any attempts of persuasion. You know what this looks to me, a mere sake of invitation so you dont have to deal with any confrontations later on.

Nevertheless, i see a glimpse of hope. So my dearest, come back. I dont want you to leave. A second chance i will give, just come back. Come back with the soul i once knew. It's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be real hard, but i'm ready to work things out with you.

Reality that lies beneath

I say i dont give a damn but truth is, i care a whole damn lot of shit.

A New Chapter

School resumes tomorrow, which means meal deprivation and sleepless nights to come. Oh boy.

Anyway, it'll be a fresh start and I intent to begin it with good working habits, like how my mum and aunt always advised me too. No more procrastination, or fooling around. Last semester was a huge wake up call to my GPA. I've letdown those around me with my poor results but mostly, I've disappointed myself. & now it is time to slog all the way!

Though the thought of having to work my ass off doesn't seem to exciting, I must say i'm pretty psyched for school. Maybe mainly, i just miss my classmates that's all and my crush. Oops but yes I do!

I want to be working hard on every school day and not spend each day like it's a holiday. That way when holiday comes, i wont feel any guilt to party because I know I've done my best for school. Do I promise to put all this into action? YES, and you all will be my witness. Watch me ace this term guys!

Rebellion

Amazing day spent with friends close to the heart, with destructive food consumption As much as i like healthy food, it's a challenge to resist the most fattening, calorie-laden food too.

 People tend to like what's bad for them. Sometimes we know we shouldn't but that's exactly why we do it. In life, we make stupid decisions and silly choices.

I personally feel that the greatest joy in my life always comes from doing what others said that I cannot do.

How do you see things?

STRUCK BY THE SIMPLE TRUTH THAT SOMETIMES THE ORDINARY CAN BE MADE EXTRAORDINARY SIMPLY BY DOING IT WITH THE RIGHT COMPANION

Love that will etched in memory forever

I'd sing about your thin, convex, almond eyes and gentle mouth, which has lips that curve into a smile when you see me; about your hands, perfect amount of roughness to them, which always shoot goals; about your breath which come more quickly when you're anxious; about your lightly-curled brunette hair, which gleamed in the sunlight; about your slender arms which could do so much work; about your well-toned legs, which jump so high up in the air in order to reach for the ball; and about the wonderful scent of you skin which smelled of sea air, sweat and a unique hint of indescribable fragrance

Words i never got to say, my previous.

Holding out a hand for a gumdrop in the sky

You know one can never wait forever, at least not me. There'll come a point where I will be so done waiting, i'll just strut off. I mean, we can't be holding on onto something that we ourselves are uncertain about right? I've done my part. The dice is in your hands now, it's time to make your move.

Do you really want me to walk away? As you know, people gotta move on after some time.

Should old acquaintances be forgotten?

How very lovely it is to be contacting you again, after what seemed like silence forever. It was so heartwarming to know that you still trust me with your secrets and insecurities.  

You flattered me, and i just didnt know how to react.

I cant help but reminisce about the past, how we shared little unforgettable memories together.





If you realised, we never really got to tell each other how we exactly felt back then but we both know what it was. Guessed we love one another as friends too much, neither of us dared to risk it. Isnt that the real beauty of it? 2 innocent souls who'd rather suffer the pain of unrequited love than to admit their desires by have the friendship at stake. What more love could there be than that?

However, truth is, i dont think you ever wholly knew what i had inside of me. A hint you may have gotten but i am pretty sure nothing comes close to how i actually felt.

&& like waves, my feelings come and go.

A New Beginning

Hello fellow Earthlings!

Alright, so it seems like I've decided to start blogging. Well you see, I've been a diary keeper since forever and every now and then I'd pen down an entry or two.

Since recently, I'm always on my laptop thanks to assignments and such. So i thought, "Wouldn't it be much more convenient if i could just type it out instead of doing manual writing?". That's when it hit me that i should create a blog. It would also be more fun too. Getting to share it with unknown people who might actually feel the exact same way like i do. Nonetheless, I wont totally give up on my diary, I still expect myself to revisit it once in awhile. As you know, I've never stop believing that it is more therapeutic when you kick things old school.

By the way, i doubt anyone is ever gonna read it. That is totally cool with me. This is just platform for me to pour out my emotions when it gets hard to confide in anyone. Besides, I'll also have more guts to express myself. Do i want to tell my friends about this? Honestly, no, because the main purpose is to let my spirit run wild and not having to feel insecure about what their side comments might be. Anyway if they were to find out, consider them lucky! They'll get an insight of what I'm going through at the current situation without any sugar coating, just absolutely raw feelings!

Thus....


I hereby announce the beginning of the documentary of my life.